I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You're like the curious george of whores
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
