I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
