my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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