so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
