tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're like the curious george of whores
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
