Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
