this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
