so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize