please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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