She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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