i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
