So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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