he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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