Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
