Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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