Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
