1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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