she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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