which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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