Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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