You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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