True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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