i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
