Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
