Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
