Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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