Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
