Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
