I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Randomize
