I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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