On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MIDGETS
????
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
