He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got so high we made milksteak
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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