he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
