Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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