I skipped work to stalk him.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
