I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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