you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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