Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
