I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found the puke drawer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
