he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
