Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(453): View more from

apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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(207): View more from Maine

She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

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(602): View more from Arizona

i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

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(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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(850): View more from Florida

i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...

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(760): View more from California

is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?

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(914): View more from New York

say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?

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(949): View more from California

I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.

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