He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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