She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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