i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
