I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
