So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
