hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
