i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need moral support for this bender
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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