It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
