No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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