around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
