At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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