I wish I could teleport
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
