I CAN MOONWALK!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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