I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
