guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
