well I can't set my house on fire every night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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