hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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