Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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