"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
