I think im going to throw up on grandma
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
