The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
