I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
