$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
