gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
