I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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