My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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