A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
