I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
