Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
