I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
