He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
