I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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