She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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